The perennial doghouse...

What an intriguing question...should men marry...wow, I could talk for days on this subject, but as brevity is the soul of wit, I shall be brief...

Well, from experience, the divorce courts are HORRENDOUS on men...the prejudice against fathers in general is despicable, and many good, quality, fathers are lumped into the mix with shitheads and deadbeat dads simply because history has portrayed the man as the "criminal" in the event of divorce.

Regardless of WHY my first marriage failed (and I filed for divorce), the court basically bent me over a table and screwed me. Typical judgements against the father include:
- no chance of joint custody (my lawyer told me not to waste my time filing for joint custody, it wouldn't be granted at all)
- basically 10% of your "adjusted take home pay" for every child from the marriage (when all was said and done, I was forking over 23% of my NET pay to my ex)
- visitation every other saturday/sunday

I was like "what, that's it?".

I have some thoughts on this bullshit...
The courts need to recognize that unless you divorce for "extenuating circumstances", like infidelity, drug use, alcohol addiction, or breaking the law, simply divorcing for "irreconcile differences" does NOT constitute grounds for keeping the father mostly away from his kids. Simply being incompatible is not a reason to restrict the visitation rights of the father.
Same with custody - the fact that my X and I couldn't go 3 days without arguing about something does NOT make me an unfit father, and I should share custody unless I'm a danger to the kids. Giving the mother sole control over the children, in "regular" divorce cases, is simply assinine.
Child support absolutely needs to be overhauled, in a couple of ways. A) you need to take into account the earnings of the mother - in my case, even before I forked over 23% of my net pay, my X earned 10K more than I did a year - how the hell is THAT equitable? B) you need to institute a better tracking system for keeping an eye on the money and the ways in which it is spent - who's to say that the kids aren't getting clothes from goodwill while mommy is getting weekly facials and massages nice designer clothes. Also, it would be good to institute a system where receipts are provided as proof of expenses, and if abuses are noted, things need to change.

My last thoughts are these:
Spend more time with the person before you propose or decide to get married. Too many people are marrying too quickly and consequently finding out that "whoa, this woman farts in public, I can't deal with that" and the lawyers are on the phone.
Also, 2 words...marriage counseling. Too many couples, when they hit the skids say "that's it, I want a divorce" - invest the time to SAVE the marriage before you jump off that bandwagon - after all, "for better or for worse", right?
Also, I've seen and heard of too many people who just won't change or compromise their attitudes, behaviors, and the like just for their spouse - HUH? People need to realize that marriage is not each person giving 50% to make 100%, it's each person giving 100% to make 100%.

As I tell the Mrs - we may not have it all together, but together we have it all. A good marriage, like the one I have now (although Mrs Thew is currently pissed at me), is easy, comfortable, and just plain fun. So I'm all for marriage, but all for making sure it's the RIGHT marriage, something we are not very good at these days.