Next Top 10

Okay, lots of good commentary. Though I will say Scarlet and Rhett never make the cut for me because she is sooooo annoying. When he says his signature line, I was like "Dude, what took you so long!" She so deserved Ashley, not Rhett.

Since we are rolling with movies, name the Top 10 Action Sequences.

If I could change the alphabet, I'd put U & I together

I actually came up with this challenge thinking 2 things:

- TILAM does not "do" kissy kissy movies - oh sure, Mrs Tilam will drag his sorry ass to the theatre every so often to see a nice movie romance, and he'll go mostly because it increases the likelihood of making nasty later, but ultimately he'll be dreaming of other things, such as Diane Lane and a bottle of Mazola.

- TDub, interestingly enough as she states, does not do "chick flix" either. Any date that I would ever take her on would consist of probably some sort of sci-fi or fantasy movie, a rousing round of Worlf of Warcraft groupage, and a little role playing of "Kirk and the alien princess" later.

Truthfully, my expectations were rather low...but I have to admit, their lists were fantastic. Kudos to Tilam for his poetic liberty in making a "steamy" vs a "non-steamy" list - it shows cognitive thought, something he is not known for. And while TDub shows her prejudice for sci-fi genre, she includes one of my all time favorites - "Beauty and the Beast" from TV (Ron Perlman is fantastic). I'm not sure what this means, but I've seen every one of Tilam's "steamy" flicks...with the exception of "Unfaithful", since I'm not into extra-marital affairs.

Okay, I know you're blue from holding your collective breaths, so I will grace you with THEW's list of romances (in no particular order):

- Jack Dawson and Rose in Titanic; Just a great romance surrounded by a great story, I have to give this doomed couple kudos as they deserve.
- Aragorn and ArwenLord of the Rings; what man wouldn't want to bang an elf maiden that look like Liv Tyler?
- Billy Crystal and Meg RyanWhen Harry Met Sally; the banter of Billy Crystal is incredibly funny in this movie - the horrified expression on his face after they finally make nasty, while she's smiling and snuggling is priceless.
- Crash Davis and Annie in Bull Durham; I have come to despise Susan Sarandon for her political bullshit, but this movie, wrapped around their romance, makes it top 10 for me.
- Wesley and Buttercup in The Princess Bride; ASSSSSSS YOUUUUUU WIIIIIISH!!! Who'd have thought that Andre the Giant would be so wonderful in an acting role.
- Forrest and Jenny in Forrest Gump; his single minded devotion to her throughout the entire movie, their tryst together (finally!), and the ending was a real quality love story imo.
- Sam & DianeCheers; you CANNOT leave this off the list (okay, TDub did, but you get my opinion)...
- Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone; here's to sliding down a mudfall in the middle of Columbia and ending up with your face in a woman's crotch! Yee Hah!
- Richard and Liz inCleopatra; Tilam steals my thunder, but worthy of the King and Queen.
- Scarlett and Rhett in Gone with the Wind; don't like this choice? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Honorable Mentions:
Paul/Holly in Breakfast @ Tiffany's (in honor of Mrs Thew, as this is one of her favorites)
Cher/Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck; sorry, just liked it.
Bogey/Bacall in Casablanca
Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle?
Romeo/Juliet in Romeo & Juliet; I LOVED this version, Leo and Clare and Leguizamo were great, and they used Shakespearean English all throughout this modern setting.
Will Thatcher & Jocelyn in A Knight's Tale; "better a silly girl with a flower than silly boy with a horse and stick" - "it's a lance, helloooo!"

And, to sum it up, my ALL TIME TOP COUPLE.....
Captain James T Kirk and any female of any alien species! That guy has kicked more ass and banged more alien poontang than Wilt Chamberlain and Gene Simmons combined. Truly a hero for all ages! :)

EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT!

This is Taking Some Getting Used To...

But thank you for sparing us from the topless 300 photo...

Just don't click on the link...

And as soon as Thew posts, I have the next Top 10.

Sexy!!!

Well Tilam posted Grace Kelly, so I thought I would post a man I think is just too sexy for words.

He's dreamy!!! :P

Ok here is a better one. Gerard Butler.....yummmm...

Missed a Couple

Some suggestions from the office I missed:

Mork & Mindy
Kermit & Miss Piggy

The people I work with are weird...

What?

First, Cary Grant and anyone...I mean come on. Smooth, suave, sophisticated. Yikes!

Tilam your list is indeed interesting, but if you want steamy then you have to include the scene in The Matrix Revolutions. When Neo and Trinity finally "hook up". Good lord!!!

ummmmm.....what was I saying???

Gratuitous Grace Kelly Picture

Because I can....

Ewww! The Kissie Part

Hmmmm. Tdub's list is interesting...we have only one COUPLE in common, but another person in common. But, what is with TWO Cary Grant's...that says something, but I don't know what.

I also divided my list into non-steamy, where there is great tension, but no nasty, and steamy, where it is about the nasty.

My Non-Steamy List:
1. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor - Cleopatra. Maybe the top Hollywood couple of all time.
2. Cary Grant and Grace Kelly - To Catch a Thief. Grace Kelly could be the most beautiful woman of all time.
3. Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn - Adam's Rib. Another film/real couple with GREAT married couple banter. (Of note, Princess Tilam, had she been another Prince, would have been named Spencer. Insiders will get the connection.)
4. Ted Danson and Shelley Long - Cheers. Prototypical "opposites attract" couple.
5. Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepard - Moonlighting. That is UNTIL they actually hooked up.

My Steamy List:
1. Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger - 9 1/2 Weeks. Ice, Ice, Baby.
2. William Hurt and Kathleen Turner - Body Heat. Hurt played a bunch of "sexy" leading men for some unknown reason, but Kathleen Turner was well cast.
3. Dennis Quaid and Ellen Barkin - The Big Easy. Is is something about thrillers that drives up the tension?
4. Oliver Martinez and Diane Lane - Unfaithful. Thew knows Diane Lane has got to make it on this list somewhere.
5. Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis - Top Gun. More for sentimental reasons.

I also considered Arnez and Ball, but ultimately liked the others better. Also I rejected Bogey & Becall, because I just never saw Bogey as a "romantic" lead. And Hudson and Day in Pillow Talk were great, but Rock was, er...well, dropped from consideration.

Finally, I wanted to mention sex, lies & videotape. James Spader and Andie MacDowell were a great "couple" but I am not sure they fit the bill. If they did, they would bump Cruise and McGillis.

Top 10 Movie or TV Romances

Hmmm this is tough because I don't usually go for the chick flick stuff. Yeah I know, I'm a chick, but I prefer horror, sci-fi and action-adventure. *shrugs* I'm a rebel!

But from the ones I HAVEseen these would be my top 10.

1. Ben Browder (Crichton) and Claudia Black (Aeryn Sun) - Farscape....nothing left to be said. Hottest romance in any galaxy.
2. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan - Anything they're in together is usually something I'll watch. Joe vs. The Volcano was my absolute favorite.
3. Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr - "An Affair To Remember". This movie makes me cry everytime.
4. John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara - They did a couple of movies together but my absolute favorite is "The Quiet Man" 1952. Best bar brawl scene EVER! If this movie is on TV I stop what I'm doing and watch it.
5. Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton - The TV show "Beauty and the Beast". If you can do romantic scenes with all that make up you're on my list. LOL!
6. Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn - They did a lot of movies together, had great on screen chemistry and were friends off screen as well.
7. Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman - "Notorious" 1946. My dad had all of us sit down and watch this movie. Wow! What a romance and what a great suspense thriller.
8. Jonathan Frakes and Marina Sirtis - Commander William T. Riker and Counselor Deanna Troi from "Star Trek The Next Generation". I HAD to include a Star Trek couple lol!
9. Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes - "The Gilmore Girls". Yes I did watch this show and LOVED it. When these two characters FINALLY got together I was a very happy fan.
10. Aragorn and Arwen - "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy. I mean...come on...you have to include that romance. It was epic.

Honorable mention:
Humphry Bogart and Ingrid Bergman - Casablanca. Now I'm not a Humphry Bogart fan, but I am a HUGE Ingrid Bergman fan and she was so......spectacular in this movie.

Wow, this was really hard to put together. Nice one Thew. What a challenge.

Responses I Missed

ALIEN DELETED SCENES
Tilam is right the scene was deleted but if you're willing to do some searching you can find a copy of the movie with all the deleted scenes added back into the movie. I have a copy that I "picked up" somewhere and that scene is awesome.

COLLECTOR'S EDITIONS
Collector's Editions are always better than the original release, but it's also a way for movie producers to squeeze more money out of the viewing audience.

Thew reminded me that I forgot to list my:

HORROR MOVIE RULES
1. If you are female, 15 and pretty...you're dead.
2. If you male, 15 and good looking...you're dead.
3. If you are NOT a virgin...you're dead.
4. If you ARE a virgin and choose to change your status while a psychotic killer is running around...you're stupid and dead.
5. If you are over the age of 15 you are filler and you're dead.
6. If the killer is your average run of the mill human, then ALWAYS shoot them in the head. Just to be sure!
7. If your killer is something other wordly and resists repeated attempts to kill them..you're dead.
8. When you enter a room that is dripping blood from the walls and choose not to run..you're dead.
9. If you are in the middle of a killing spree by a psychotic killer, hear a strange noise and choose to investigate said noise....your gene pool should be wiped from the face of the planet and you deserve to be dead.
10. If you were lucky enough to survive the first movie, don't worry you'll be killed off at the beginning of the sequel.

SINGLE MEN WHO LOVE HORROR
Apply within! :)

Well, YEAH!

How about Denise and Neve in Wild Things?

OR, how about Linda and Harry in Deepthroat?

Okay, just kidding...heterosexual couples/romances only.

Couples

You mean, like, Jenna Jameson and Nikki Tyler? Ooops, sorry NO pictures allowed.

Is that Blood or Ketchup for my fries?

Tilam's list is a good one, but it's comprised mainly of "mainstream" movies - I think that the other lists explore much more of a range of movies, of course, since we are both horror and blood/gore buffs.
-I have yet to see Hostel, and have been yelled at by TDub because of this. Same with The Hills Have Eyes.

- I have never heard of "May", kudos to TDub for going off the beaten path.

- Tilam hits a nail square on the head with the Alien birth scene.

No contest, by the way Tilam, Director's cuts are exponentially better than originals.

Okay, in the news of the world...
- Vick pleaded "mostly" guilty. Bye Bye career imho.
- The Yanks have hit a bit of a skid - bad news, considering that Boston picked it up during that same skid. A 4 game deficit has turned into an 8 game deficit, and the Wild Card has gone further out of reach. Time for Yankees fans to do a little sweating...

**********

Okay, you asked for it! We have had Top 10 goriest scenes, Top 10 Inventions, Top 10 TV shows, Top 10 Books; we have covered our Mensa readers, our Couch Potato readers, our Splatterfest readers, it's time we catered to our vast female audience!

List for me your top 10 Movie (or TV) ROMANCES/COUPLES!

Director's Cut

True or false: Director's Cuts are better then the original.

BTW, great Alien trivia here.

Alien Deleted Scene

Tdub notes a scene in Aliens where the woman begs to be killed. Well, as a bit of trivia, one of the scenes in the book, which was deleted in the movie, Alien, was when Ripley finds the remains of Dallas and Brett, who are not dead, but turning into eggs.

Dallas begs for death and a distraught Ripley torches the place with the flamethrower.

It was considered too gruesome for the original, but made it into the second movie. Which is why, I think, it was not included in the Director's Cut.

Oh, and a bonus picture:

Tdub's Top 10

Wow you both have some good stuff. I had to do some thinking to come up with my list but here goes.

1. Hostel - The first movie. The whole last 1/2 of the movie is gruesome, gorey and fantastic. It made me wince, which says a LOT.
2. Alien and Aliens - My two favorite movies of all time. The alien popping out of the chest is classic. In the first movie you just didn't know what the heck was going on so that creature popping out made me jump out of my seat. But even more scarey was the scene at the Air Processing plant, in Aliens, when they find the survivor and she says "Please...kill me" and then goes into convulsions. Wow!
3. The Hills Have Eyes I (remake) - Oh Lordy, when they crucified the dad on the tree and set him on fire...holy cow!
4. Hannibal - There are two scenes in this movie that just are amazing. At the beginning of the movie Hannibal is being followed so he captures the dude, strings him up by his own entrails and then throws him out the window so that he basically unwinds as he goes down. Ick! The second scene is toward the end of the movie and he is eating the dudes brain while the guy is sitting there talking. Hannibal takes a piece of the brain, sets it on a little skillet and then indulges his appetitie. Yikes!
5. May - This is a really interesting movie. It's sort of slow at first, but by the end, when she decideds to "build herself a friend" it's creepy with a capital "K"! The scene where she cuts out her own eye.....yowza!!!
6. Saw - Good lord this movie had so many scenes it's hard to pick one, but I'm gonna have to go with the scene of the dude crawling through the razor wire. Gruesome!
7. Jason X - Ok, not a lot of Friday the 13th fans liked this movie, but there is one scene when Jason lifts a dude over his head and impales him on a enormous drill bit. The guys spirals his way down the bit and when someone asks where he is they say "He's screwed!" LOL!!!
8. The Mangler - This is an obscure cult movie, but let's just say when you see someone get folded like sheet, well it's not pretty.
9. It - Stephen King's movie in which our dark villian is a clown. Ok, let me just say this, clowns are evil. They really didn't have to make a movie about them, it's just common knowledge. But this movie scared the crap out of me....just cuz of the clowns.....cuz they're evil.....and stuff.
10. Ghost of Mars - John Carpenter at his best. Basically every scene in which a person was possessed by one of the "ghosts of mars" and starts to alter their appearance. Gives new meaning to the word "Face Mask".

So there ya have it...my top 10. I could go one, but...well...I have to work at SOME point during the day lol!

Pre-season Soccer 1 - 0

The Boys have been practicing and yesterday we had an impromptu scrimmage against another BU12 team. The result was dominance and a 5-0 "win."

But I view pre-season much the way Bill Belichick does...which means the outcome just does not matter. But while we were rusty, there was a lot of good team play, passing, talking, dribbling.

Games start September 8th...not a lot of time.

Too much gore is never enough

There are a TON of great gore fests in so many slasher flicks, it's really hard to recount. But I will accept Tilam's kudos and say that "Yes, Virginia, slasher and gore flicks are among my favs". So, in response to T-Dub's offering, I respond with only a smattering of Thew's high quality gory scenes (and btw all you single men out there, keep in mind the way to T-Dub's heart is through blood and entrails!):

Evil Dead - tree meets woman, tree ties woman down, tree screws woman, tree smokes cigarette
Scanners - man's head blows up like Gallagher's Watermelon trick.
Faces of Death - man gets electrocuted, close up of face being fried, eyeballs popping
The Gates of Hell - man meets angry father - angry father introduces man to large drill - gives new meaning to the expression "in one ear and out the other"
Thirteen Ghosts - sleazy lawyer friend gets a nasty little cut from some sliding glass doors (it’ll make you think twice the next time you step through automatic doors)
Robocop - man meets nuclear waste, man starts to dissolve, man gets run over by head bad guy, head bad guy turns on windshield wipers
Blade II - vampire bad guy attacks blade with sword, blade takes it and slices vampire bad guy from bottom to top - just cuz Wesley Snipes is so damm cool as Blade
Cube - In the very first scene of this cult hit, a man named has the misfortune of stepping into a razor wire trap and getting “cubed". VERY COOL
American Werewolf in London - dog bites man, man transforms - I remember watching this scene all slack-jawed in wonder and awe - amongst the best of all time
Alien - dude meets face-hugger, face-hugger impregnates dude, dude gives birth - all at the dinner table!

A couple of honorable mentions:
Exorcist - possessed girl stabs privates with scissors, forces mother's face up close and personal
Nightmare on Elm Street - hottie blond bimbo falls asleep, gets cut up like a cuisinart, blood trails all up the walls and on the ceiling

My Top Seven

Okay, horror is Thew's specialty, not mine. I am not a big slasher film guy, but I can give my Top 7 scariest scenes...blood or not.

1. The Alien Being Born - Alien. You knew something was going to happen, but you did not know what. The "what" was fantastic.
2. The Head in Jaws - Seeing the head in the boat was frightful and the fact that he was underwater and could not get away fast enough compounded the fright.
3. The Clown in Poltergeist - Whew! It was not under the bed...it's behind you. Just when you thought it was safe, too.
4. Sloth in Se7en - Poor dead bastard. Oh, wait! Scared the s*** out of me.
5. The First Transformation in American Werewolf in London - When the snout was sprouting, you could just FEEL it.
6. Peeling Off the Face in Silence of the Lambs - Simply unexpected and phenomenal.
7. The Whole Climax in Manhunter - The second Thomas Harris book-based film. I remember watching this and just not breathing for the climax.

Honorary Bloodiest scene: House of Blue Leaves scene in Kill Bill Vol. 1.

Like I said, I am not a slasher film guy, but I do enjoy a good scare...

I was informed it was my turn to post a Top 10 suggestion. I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with something. Then it came to me in a dream....not really! :)

Ok guys here goes. I don't know about the two of you but I LOVE horror movies. The more blood the better I like it. So, the top 10 will be....drum roll please....

The Top 10 Goriest. Bloodiest, Most Disgusting Scenes Of All Time.

Ready...set....gag!!!!!

Is he a Cat Lover?

Vick is up shit's creek.

He has decided to take the "I am not guilty" stance and fight against overwhelming testimony. Vick agreed to plead guilty to the first count of the indictment against him -- that he was part of a conspiracy to operate a dogfighting ring across state lines. BUT, a private source says that Vick will not, in fact, admit to gambling on dog fights and killing the ones who were not "game" but say "well, through some general actions/circumstances, the dogs died". This will be interesting to see...he seems to want to fight and play the victim of circumstance rather than just cut his losses and take his punishment like a "game" man. I think this will ultimately be bad for him in the long run.

Also, Vick has Daddy Dearest. Estranged from Vick but nevertheless speaking from direct experience, says that in 2001 he advised Michael to get out of dogfighting. Interesting stuff in this article, it seems to corraborate (sp?) the testimony of Vick's "homies" and builds a stronger case against Vick himself.

Someone has GOT TO explain to me the bullshit behind Lindsay Lohan spending a whopping 1 day in jail.

Soccer Week

Okay, this has been (and will continue to be) soccer week for me.

Yesterday, I spent the day in Gillette Stadium watch the NE Revolution practice. Of course, I kept on wanting to jump on the field and play. Interestingly, Miguel Gonzalas gave my son a practice ball. Then my daughter received one...the only two to be given out (we gave one to the little kids next to us). But its a $130 dollar ball! Nice.

It was loads of fun, but if Taylor Twellman is 5'11", I am 6'2". And I ain't 6'2".

But all the players were great. Really good to the kids and generous with their time. Top to bottom, they are all class acts.

Also found out my Boys U12 soccer team was promoted to the Mass. Tournament of Champions League. Doh! That was the sound of the sphincter puckering.

I'll leave you with a picture of Prince and Princess Tilam doing sit-ups at midfield.

Glory Days, Well, They'll Pass You By

Saturday and Sunday were "work" days for me. I spent 16 hours taking the Mass. State "E" coaches license for soccer. Of the 16 hours, about 9 hours were on the field drilling and scrimmaging.

Argh! My aching bones.

Happily, I did hold my own against fellow participants as young as college age. We were all at 80% speed in an effort to avoid injuries...which we were 80% successful. But it was terrific fun to play again at a high level with other high level players.

My highlights...a Cryuff shot which nutmegged my opponent and scored! And a back heel shot...nutmeg...score.

Oh, yeah, and I really did learn a shitload on coaching.

TV Shows

I have been flat out, so I have not had a chance to respond earlier.

You guys have stolen my thunder. Of course, Thew listed 57 total shows in his Top 10, so our common shows are well commonplace:

M*A*S*H - satire, political comedy and a character named "Hot Lips."
The Tonight Show - JC, we miss you.
I Love Lucy - Red-headed wedded to a minority? In the 50's! And funny to boot.
Seinfeld - The show about nothing.
Happy Days - Single handedly revived the family sitcom. And spawned Laverne & Shirley.
Saturday Night Live - At its best, there was none better.
The Simpsons - I can hear the pitch...an adult cartoon?
All in the Family - "Boy, the way Glenn Miller played..."
Sesame Street - Bert and Ernie were NOT gay.

That's nine. My 10th is a made-for-TV drama: The Day After. Not quite "War of the Worlds" impact, but this was a very powerful program done extraordinarily well. Context is important. Coming off of the Carter years, Reagan had just started standing up to the Soviets and was moving Pershing II missiles into Europe. The Soviets had been particularly aggressive in the late-70s, emboldened by our Vietnam failure; Nixon's crippling of the Presidency and Carter's flaccidness. There was a serious discussion of actually fighting and winning a tactical nuclear war. (For an engrossing look, see The Third World War.) The Day After had an incredible scene where the news reporters are just waiting for the missiles to hit. They do, certain screens go blank. Really great stuff.

BTW, Thew's great post on Norm quotes caused me much regret...the Top 10 list should have been Top 10 TV Characters.

Liten Up

Ur absession over spelling is strating to pizz me of.

Thursday Afternoon Fussy Post

Okay, "Kimba"...BARF! Sorry TDub, too sappy for me...

For Tilam...I'm pretty sure you meant "For OUR commenters" - shall we send you back to 3rd grade?

Or maybee we shud by yoo hooked on fonicks?

And on the "just f**kin wonderful" side, and as a shareholder, I'm gonna have a bich fit! Gawd Dang DELL pulling an ENRON...

On a good note, I convinced Mrs Thew to make nasty this morning for breakfast - on a bad note (perhaps contributing to my current foul mood) the day can only go downhill from there...

Here's to hoping that Tim Donaghey doesn't meet anyone in prison who lost money on game he reffed...oh wait, that would be great reality TV...

Kimba

For our commenters...

Kimba, the White Lion.

UPDATE: "Are" corrected to "our" per the suggestion of "bich" Thew. Harumph!

Tdub's Top 10

I posted this as a comment but now I see I SHOULD have done it as a new post. Also, I didn't know we could pick MORE than 10 *blinks at Thew*. Did you color outside the lines when you were little? LOL

Here's my list

1. Star Trek Classic - The show that paved the way for the scifi future.
2. Babylon 5 - This revolutionary show introduced viewing audiences to a new concept, the story arc.
3. Mash - Leaving this off the list would be a crime against humanity! Who can forget the death of Henry Blake!
4. The Dick VanDyke Show - For the first time we see a woman on TV who is not your TYPICAL housewife. This was ground breaking.
5. Kimba - Ok so this was considered a cartoon in my day, but it was the first "anime" style cartoon on american TV.
6. Dallas - I know a night time soap but the first of it's kind and paved the way for many more to come.
7. Everwood - Intelligent family drama that dealt with some pretty heavy issues. It's sad that we as viewers don't expect more like this. Instead we're subjected to mediocre reality TV shows whose only requirement is that it's viewing audience have an IQ of 2
8. CSI - Again a show that revolutionized the crime drama formula.
9. Friends - This show ushered in a new way of looking at life, a new way of speaking and a new form of humor. Also probably one of the most successful ensemble casts since Mash.
10. Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Because it was fun!

A tribute to a Great Man

In deference to Cheers, I present you readers with the top "Normisms" of the show:

1. "What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

2. "Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions.

3. "Hey Norm, how's life in the fast lane?"
"Don't know, can't find the on-ramp."

4. “Can I draw you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
“No, Woody, I know what one looks like, just pour me one.”

5. "Hey Mr. Peterson. How are things?"
"Never been better, Woody...but just once I wish they'd get better.”

6. "Whatcha know, Norm?"
"I know how to sit. I know how to drink. Wanna quiz me?"

7. “How's life treating ya Mr. Peterson?”
“Like he caught me in bed with his wife Woody…how ‘bout a beer.”

**********

1. "What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

2. "What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."

3. "What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

4. "What'll you have, Normie?"
“Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

5. "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

6. "What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bopsy Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

7. "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here'."

8. "Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight…if I were eleven feet tall."

9. "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

10. “Whatcha know, Mr. Peterson?”
"Women...can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts."

11. "What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on this bar stool."

12. "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one...make that one-thirty."

13. "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
“It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

Top 10 Boob...Tube Shows

Top 10 TV shows. ACK! There are so many types of TV shows - drama, comedy, sci-fi, cartoons, game shows, it's so hard to narrow it down. So I WON'T!!!

Actually, I'm going to take a divergent path and break up some categories here...

Top 5 Game Shows:
Beat the Clock - I remember watching this hilarious show when I was a wee Thew and laughing my butt off at the stunts that the teams had to do in under 1 minute to BEAT THE CLOCK!
The Price is Right - classic show; I used to play the Big Showcase with my college roommate before class, and for some reason I'd always lose. :(
Deal or No Deal - the ultimate TV based lottery get rich quick game.
Jeopardy - Mrs Thew is amazed with my ability to remember completely useless things and get every question in a category right.
The Newlywed Game - can you BELIEVE some of the answers these people give?! "Q: what is the wierdest place where you've made whoopee?" / "A: in the ass?".

The Top 5 Cartoons:
The Flintstones - best cartoon of ALL TIME in my humble opinion. I STILL know the words to the entire theme song.
Tom & Jerry - I don't know how many seasons this cartoon ran, but it only had spoken words in a SINGLE episode.
The Simpsons - there is NO dissing this juggernaut of a cartoon sit-com.
South Park - wierd, raunchy, and mostly disgusting humor, but I love this show! Oh my god, you killed Kenny - you BASTARDS!
Bugs Bunny - introduced Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, the Tasmanian Devil, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Wile E Coyote - the whole Looney Toons gang.

And FINALLY, Thew's Top 10 TV Shows (in no particular order):
Cheers - NORM! Sam & Diane (remember when Carla told Diane that Sam was a father of her baby?)! Carla was GREAT! Coach! Cliffy! Hell, even Frasier and Lilith! I hated Woody, btw...
M*A*S*H* No dropoff from Trapper John to BJ, nothing from Frank to Charles, from Henry Blake to Sherman Potter. And Klinger...
The Honeymooners - If you've ever seen Gleason at his best, you'll know this was a classic show.
I Love Lucy - Lucille Ball, the forerunner to EVERY SINGLE comedienne ever - only rivaled even remotely by Carol Burnette - she was utterly indescribeable in this funny show.
The Tonight Show w/Johnny Carson (still gotta give Kudo's to Jay Leno for doing admirable to fill some humongous shoes)
Star Trek - if it moved and had an orifice, Kirk nailed it before defeating the bad guys - James Kirk scored more poontang then Wilt Chamberlain, AND in 1/10th the time.
All in the Family - one of the groundbreakers of the family sit-com - Caroll O'Connor, Meathead, and EDITH were fantastic - I still know the theme song to this one
Happy Days - "Who are THESE nerds?" / "Hey, these aren't nerds, these are my friends" / "YEAH" / "SHUDDUP NERD!"
60 Minutes - investigative journalism at its earliest and most penetrative - the leader to all the shlock jockeys today (nancy grace, heraldo rivera) and still one of the longest running shows (meet the press might be the only one that is longer)
The Sopranos - Mrs Thew and I are addicted to this - so I have to include it - and any TV shows whose headquarters is a topless titty bar, count me in!

Honorable Mentions (be they TV shows or Series or TV Movies/Events)
Ben Hur (a single movie event, but AWESOME)
The 10 Commandments (Heston is a STUD, but Yul Brynner takes the stage as Pharoah in this one)
The Twilight Zone (Rod Serling was a great - this was a front runner of all sci-fi shows)
Andy Griffith
Mary Tyler Moore
Bewitched
Carol Burnett
The Ed Sullivan Show (you cannot measure the impact of Ed Sullivan in his day)
Sonny & Cher (not the first but really the best couple variety show - don't discount Rowan & Martin's Laugh In)
CSI (cool as hell)
Mission Impossible ("Good Morning Mr Phelps")
X-Files (a phenomenon all by itself)
The George & Gracie Show (I never knew how funny George Burns was until I caught some old episodes of this show)
Gilligan’s Island (I couldn't leave this one off my list)
Sesame Street (never did find out if Ernie & Bert were more than just ambiguously gay)
Cosby Show (a groundbreaker, showing a positive, upper class, intelligent african american family - that is, until Lisa Bonet got kinda phreaky)
Saturday Night Live (Honorable Mention only because the "Not Ready for Prime Time Players" lasted what, 2 seasons?)

Welcome Tdub!

Good to have you. Notice that it takes scant seconds to update titles, themes etc.

Let's just call it "chivalry."

Expanding the Family

For so many moons, gentle readers, you have awaited each new post with bated breath, eager for the prose emanating from our keyboards, chomping at the bit to devour the opinions of this most esoteric blog...

But something's been missing...could it be intelligence? fair and unbiased opinions? history lessons for Thew? spelling and grammar checker for Tilam? the scent of a woman?

THAT's IT! The scent of a woman. Words and opinions from the fairer sex! The Vagina Monologues!

So now, without further ado, and hopefully announcing her presence with authority, Tilam and Thew welcome Tdub! Woman of the world. Fresh with a female perspective and completely unshy about sharing them! A SciFi geek (with boobs no less)!

A warm welcome to the newest contributor to Tilam's Blogspot, T-DUB!

Sphincter of the Week Award

Goes to Jose Offerman

Who said that the NBA is the only place for assholes?

Spelling Divorce S-H-O-T-G-U-N

Mary Winkler is free. Who says divorce has to be hard? Just shoot your husband in the back and claim abuse. And dressing "slutty." And watching porn. Boo - freakin' - hoo!

When asked about these accusations, Matthew said, "...." Oh, yeah. He said nothing, he was dead. She could say anything she wanted without fear of contradiction.

No fault divorce or shooting your husband in the back. Your choice, ladies.

Just brush up on the acting skills...

My Turn...

Okay, this will be an interesting debate:

Top 10 TV Shows. Comedies, dramadies, series, variety show, games shows...anything made for TV.

To you, Thew.

For Your Reading Pleasure

In other news, the quicksand in which Michael Vick is sinking just got mushier. The other 2 of "his boyz" are looking at accepting a plea bargain, which would clear them to testify against Vick if need be. Uh Oh. This clears the way for more charges against Vick - well, actually only if a superceding indictment is filed after hearing the testimony of Vick's "boyz". Roll over. Play dead. Bad News for Badnewz...

Tilam and Thew bid a fond farewell and safe journey to Phil Rizzuto, truly a colorful baseball player if there ever was one. Never quite taking himself seriously, but always taking his job first as player and next as announcer so, he was a delight to listen to and just an all around great guy. Who says nice guys finish last. Say hello to all your old teammates in heaven Phil...

The newest MLB record you didn't know got broken - Placido Palanco broke the consecutive games without an error streak for 2nd basemen. Didn't know that did you, oh gentle readers?

**********

The top 10 most influencial books:

The following of Tilam's choices are on my list as well...

The Bible/Koran
The Art of War
The Communist Manifesto
The Interpretation of Dreams

These others get on *my* list for most influential books:

Mein Kampf - the basis for Hitler's political views and essentially the Nazi ideology. Plus, you cannot have the Communist Manifesto here without Mein Kampf.

The Kinsey Reports - two books on human sexual behavior, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953), by Dr. Alfred Kinsey, Wardell Pomeroy and others. Kinsey was a zoologist at Indiana University and the founder of the Institute for Sex Research. The research astounded the general public and was immediately controversial and sensational. The findings caused shock and outrage, both because they challenged conventional beliefs about sexuality and because they discussed subjects that had previously been taboo.

Common Sense - Published in 1776, Thomas Paine's work challenged the authority of the British government and the royal monarchy. The plain language that Paine used spoke to the common people of America and was the first work to openly ask for independence from Great Britain. Joins the Communist Manifesto and Mein Kampf as the major influential political-foundation works.

The Joy of Sex - was a ground-breaking illustrated sex manual by Alex Comfort, M.D., Ph.D., first published in 1972. It was the first illustrated, serious such manual to gain wide distribution—at least in modern America. The original intention was to use the same mainstream approach as such books as The Joy of Cooking, hence section titles include "starters" and "main courses". The book features sexual practices such as oral sex and various sex positions as well as bringing "farther out" practices as sexual bondage and swinging to the attention of the general public. Yeah, Yeah, Tilam will have a field day with this choice, but it was TRULY influential in its time.

I'm also going out on a limb to add "Uncle Tom's Cabin" to *my* list. Harriet Beecher Stowe's work may have been a driving force in starting the American Civil War. When the book was published, many thousands of people thought it was a true story. For this reason, many people (even to this day) have the idea that the entire south during that time period had slaves, used slaves, and abused slaves.

I have to add the US Constitution. Even though it is not a "book" per se, the influence of this literary work cannot be understated. It has influenced many other nations' wills to be free states. Soon after the US became independant of England, Mexico began fighting to become free from Spain. Similar things happened elsewhere in the world, especially South America and Africa.

Kudos to Tilam for finding The Dialogues (I could have added this to my list very easily), Discourse on the Method, The Wealth of Nations (VERY hard to keep off the list as well), Free to Choose - all great works. The Origin of the Species would have made my top 10 CONTROVERSIAL, but falls a bit short of my most INFLUENTIAL. Not sure where he goes with Shakespeare - again, controversial and penetrating into culture, but influential isn't the first adjective I think of when pondering the works of Billy.

The Scooter

A sad day for Yankee fans as Phil Rizzuto has died. I grew up listening to Phil and Bill White call Yankee games during the Dark Times of the Seventies and, of course, he is famous for his play calling of Meatloaf's backseat in Paradise by the Dashboard Light.

My reaction on hearing the news: "Holy cow!"

RIP.

Interpreting "Books" Liberally

Okay, I need to take a little liberty with the word "books." In that, I will include significant works if there is not one "book" by a particular author.

But enough hedging:

1. The Bible/Koran. Not that these are interchangable, but each are the foundation of the two religions representing >50% of the world's population. (The next largest category is "non-religious.") There were two other religious works that I considered. The first, "Summa Theologica" by Saint Thomas Aquinas, which compiles the rationale for Christian thought, and "The 95 Theses" by Martin Luther, which represented the founding of Protestantism.

2. "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu. Like several other works, I also considered "successor" works like "On War" by von Clausewitz, which is a more complete work of strategy, but it all begins with Sun Tzu.

3. "The Dialogues" by Plato. These formed the basis of the Socratic Method. 'Nuff said.

4. "Discourse on the Method" by Rene Descartes. WTF? Cogito Ergo Sum, I think therefore I am. Okay, this is a shout out to three individuals who founded the Scientific Revolution: Galileo, Copernicus and Descartes. While I would suggest that Galileo and Copernicus were more influential, though not through a book per se, Descartes has an extraordinarily impressive resume.

5. The Works of Shakespeare. If pressed, I would choose Hamlet, but it terms of influential fiction, I don't think anyone comes close.

6. "The Origin of Species" by Charles Darwin. "Evolution" and "natural selection" represented a colossal conflict with the religious establishment.

7. "The Wealth of Nations" by Adam Smith. By an "invisible hand," pin makers have never been more important.

8. "The Communist Manifesto" by Marx and Engels. I had considered "The Social Contract" by Rousseau because it is a broader statement of political philosophy and is the philosophical foundation of socialism and communism, but, unlike von Clausewitz and Sun Tzu, I do not believe Marx or Engels gave much credit to Rousseau. Of course, I do not believe any single work has resulted in more deaths the TCM. Between Stalin, Mao, the Khmer Rouge and their comrades we are talking, according to one estimate, something like 95 million people.

9. "The Interpretation of Dreams" by Sigmund Freud. Much of what Freud thought was true has been questioned, but The Interpretation of Dreams is the groundbreaking work in the field of psychoanalysis.

10. "Free to Choose" by Milton & Rose Friedman. While Wealth of Nations introduced modern capitalism as a force for mutual benefit, Free to Choose expands the free market principle to all aspects of life. In particular, the Friedmans point out that government fixes often exacerbate the problem rather then solve it. I expect this will be considered as seminal a work as Wealth of Nations 50 years hence.

There are several other books that nearly made the list, including books like Silent Spring by Rachel Carson (inadvertently led to 1 million unnecessary child deaths) and Unsafe at Any Speed by Ralph Nader as the ancestors of environmental or safety activism. Further, works of fiction such as War and Peace, The Great Gatsby and even Valley of the Dolls warranted serious consideration for various reasons. The sex genre (Kama Sutra and The Joy of Sex) seemed a little too trite for me, but I think there is a strong argument for SOMETHING like that.

Anyway, have at it Thew.

Welcome Back Tilam

Tiger celebrated your return from a family weekend by winning his 13th Major Championship. That boy can play...

The Yankees are now an anorexic FOUR game behind the Sawx in the AL East. I don't know how this will turn out, but I do take some solid smack as I remember stating to the Sawx nation "talk to me in September". Maybe the Yankees won't overtake Boston, but just a short time ago they were 14 1/2 game out...

My 16 year old spent some time at the house (she splits time between Thew and the X-Mrs Thew's house) simply devouring the latest Harry Potter book. Talk about a book with a much anticipated release and capturing the minds of people, young and old alike.

Which brings me to today's musing question for Tilam: what, in your opinion, are the 10 most influential books in history?

OMG!

Speed Racer will be a movie!

And in what will be the ultimate movie news for Thew...Thor is coming to the big screen.

Myth Busters

I love the show Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel. I bring this up only because one of the recent show was dedicated to baseball myths. Of interest is whether the humidity of the ball affects the length of a hit. They were looking at the Colorado Rockies and noted that the balls are now kept in a humidor to add humidity for more consistent play.

The answer: Sure as hell does. By 14%. A baseball at a humidity of 10% will fly 14% farther then a baseball at a humidity of 90%. For a ball hit 300 feet, that is an astonishing 40 additional feet for a dry ball.

The point is that, like Thew, I have given Bonds more slack. There are too many variables - field size, pitchers, dry balls - to say Bonds would not be the home run king regardless. You can also wonder how many he would have hit had he had a Manny or A-Rod batting behind him. It all evens out.

Thirty years from now nobody will give a shit.

The Last Bonds post...

OK, now that it's over, the pressure is over, the scrutiny about 756 is over, watch Bonds relax and start hitting 'em a little back on his normal pace - as evidenced by hitting #757 last night.

We had a long conversation about Bonds yesterday, and I really think this: if you look at Bonds, he was a quality player, had good power, and won a few MVP awards before his supposed steroid use. He won MVP awards in 1990, 1992, 1993, was the 1994 Outstanding Baseball Player and Male Athlete of the Year for the ESPY's. So him playing high quality baseball is nothing new. I think that what steroids did (or MIGHT have done, let's speculate here) is allow him to CONTINUE to play at the high level he has already established in his career; steroids didn't all of a sudden make Bonds an MVP caliber player. ALSO, let me re-examine Mark McGwire's HR career - from his rookie record of 49 in 1987 until 1996, when he clouted 52 HR's, he never got above 42; as a matter of fact, through injuries and such, he had the following totals: 32, 33, 39, 22, 42, 9, 9, 39 then went for the 52. Sound familiar? Bonds actually had similar totals for those same years: 24, 19, 33, 25, 34, 46, 37, 33, then went for 42 when Mac hit 52. Add 'em up people: Big Mac 225, Barry 251. Truing up Mac's totals by adding projected totals of 34 (average) for those 2 injury years, and you get another 50ish HR's. So Mac 275, Barry 251. An average of a measely THREE HR's a year. BAM, Mac goes for 52 then 70. So why do we vilify Barry and not Mac? Look in the mirror and answer that question...

Also, we started talking about "warning-track shots" becoming HR's, but Tilam brought up a good point of the Stadiums today. Shorter in many cases, especially down the right field lines - what was a 330 warning track 10 years ago is now a 320 warning track today. 10 feet less maybe combined with 5 feet more carry? Home run. And what is the difference between anyone hitting the ball 315 feet versus 330 feet? Perhaps a millimeter on the barrel of the bat? At most? Look at the physics people, there are factors WAY more impacting here than steroids, in my HUMBLE opinion. Look at the polo grounds - less than 300 at the poles (both of them) yet like 450+ down the center - shaped like a frikkin tear drop? How many long homeruns went to center field to completely die as a long out or underachieve as a double or extra base hit? Too much to consider...I challenge anyone to give me specific empirical proof that steroids MADE Bonds a HR hitter.

Do I think he did 'em? Yeah, I think he did.
Do I think they helped? Yeah, I think they did.
Do I think they made him the HR king? No, I'm not so sure anymore. I think they would have allowed him to continue to perform at a high level, but he didn't wake up one day and become an MVP and HR hitter, sorry folks.
Do I think there are other factors to consider that mitigate this? Yeah, I do. The physics of round ball hitting round bat, lesser quality pitching (which we really haven't mentioned), ballpark dimensions, and a few others.

Bottom Line...I find myself cutting Barry a little more slack. Tilam brings up some fantastic points about asterisks in his prior post, I think they are extremely valid to consider. Barry still needs to clean up his lousy anti-media attitude, but with the comments made by Butthead Selig this past week, how can he NOT be defensive.

Bonds Three

No one in this sad episode comes out smelling nice. It would be nice if someone acted classy. (Correction: Hank Aaron did - with a classy video congratulations.)

MLB looked like assholes with Bud Selig not being there. They represent the game and this is a milestone in the game. Let the fans decide its lasting importance to them. I may not like it, but it is my personal opinion...if I were the Commissioner, I have to be all smiles and laughs.

One other point about Selig is that if Selig felt steriods were THAT big of a deal, he should have suspended Bonds pending a final outcome. Instead, he just whines about it.

Did Maris get pegged with an * for hitting 61 in a 162 game season? Ford Frick, the Bud Selig of his time, vowed that the record would have an asterisk next to it if Maris did not hit 61 in 154 games. Classy guy. Did not happen.

Babe Ruth played at a time when some of the best athletes, who happened to be black, could not play in the league. Asterisk? Nope.

It is Bonds' fault, but he is also suffering (if he were Tony Gwynn, imagine the fanfare), deprived of the unfettered adoration of the baseball public. Maybe he does not care, maybe he does.

One last aside, Bonds was asked about the ball caught by Matt Murphy. Bonds responded that he hoped the guy did not get hurt and he had no interest in the ball. He said, "I've never believed a home run ball belonged to the player. If he caught it, it's his." Classy response...just when you thought you hated a guy...

Bonds part deux

So it's happened. Like Tilam, I wish I felt more elation and excitement, but the cloud of speculation hangs over this event like a morning fog in Scotland. My opinion of this event, frankly, vascilates between high and low.

However, I need to say this: I was looking at some of the highlights in Bonds' career, and some of his older home runs, and frankly, even when he was "smaller", he still had a sweet swing and could still smack the ball a ways. It leads me to think that while they provided him with more bulk and power, ultimately they didn't improve his ability to hit the baseball, and maybe didn't have as much impact to his home run totals as we might think...maybe. Making a home run LONGER is still starting with a home run - making warning track shots homers is becoming a smaller effect in my mind.

Let's look at a couple of figures of note:
- since age 35, Bonds has hit 311 home runs, over 40% of his career total (41% actually). At a time when most power hitters experience a drop off in totals, that is significant. Okay, point taken...
- HOWEVER, and I think this is also noteworthy, over that time frame he's hit only 66 more home runs than Aaron did. Look at it this way: Aaron retired in 1976, he turned 35 in 1969 - so that's 7 years. Bonds is 43, so that's 8 years since age 35. So, in 1 more year of playing after age 35, Bonds hit 66 more home runs (66 HR's over 8 years?). That's an average of 8 more HR's per year, which really isn't significant in my opinion, frankly.- aside from the single season record year of 73 (okay, that IS an aberration), he's never hit more than 49. Could THAT be the steroid effect? Maybe. Look at 1993, he his 46 HR's as a "skinny Bonds". 1996 & 1997 he hit 42 & 40, respectively, as a "skinny Bonds".

Somehow, I might be convincing myself that aside from the monumentous 73 he hit in 2001, the HR's he hit in 2000/2002/2003/2004, all in the 40's, might not be as much of an exception as some people might think.

Steroids or not, ya still gotta hit a moving baseball, still IMO the hardest achievement in sports.

Bud Selig is an asshole for once AGAIN, introducing the steroid allegations into his congratulatory press release. Leave it to Mitchell to handle that, Butt, stop being a dick.

Bonds

Barry Bonds passed Hank Aaron last night. Congratulations. I wish I felt more joy for this record performance, but I don't.

Unfortunately, this is a total mess.

Tomorrowland

I will go with Thew's flow here. It was not the approach I was thinking about, but hey, it works fine. So taking his topics and adding or deleting, this is what I see.

But before I go forward there is one item Thew did not mention that I believe is critical to EVERYTHING.

Batteries - The next 30 years will see a huge revolution in batteries. And without this revolution much of what we are talking about will be inhibited. The efficiency of using electricity in devices will go up (mitigating somewhat the advancements in batteries required), but soon we will see the power in a car battery being stored in a 9-volt size battery.

Personal Communication - I do agree that "form factor" advances will dictate and we will have variations of "faster, smaller, cheaper." Form factor is interesting in the sense that as forms become compact, HOW a person uses things becomes important. In other words, we all are hardwired to do things in a certain way and each of us has a different way we are comfortable (generally, think men v. women, teenagers v. adults). When a form factor becomes compact, it limits the "how" - often severely.

Personal Transportation - I actually do not see us getting away from people on wheels. What I do see is a big change in the organization of highways. With a combination of GPS, positioning makers and super cruise control, drivers will "log into" the highway system and relinquish control of the car. The car will then chauffeur the passengers to or near to their intended destination. This system is impractical on back roads, but will speed up travel and alleviate congestion.

Long Distance Travel - I expect travel to finally become comfortable. That would be enough of an advance for me.

Space Travel - Vacation plans in space will happen, but I also think we will plan (if not launch) a manned space mission to Mars. Further, I do expect a larger, permanent manned presence in space, either in a new and improve ISS or a manned facility on the Moon.

Genetics - Growing new organs is promising and should be common place. Identifying genetic defects or negative propensities (high blood pressure) will also become available. I think we will wrestle with moral questions on this. Is a defect enough to abort a baby? These are difficult moral questions.

We will see very targeted killer agents, either organic or inorganic (nanobots). We will not eliminate cancer, but the ability to successfully treat the disease will increase and the side effects of treatment will drastically diminish.

I also predict we will see one substantial plague or other biological disaster in the next 90 years. This will either be by accident or through warfare.

Energy - By the end of this century, oil will not be the dominant source of energy. In fact, the era of big, centralized energy production is about to end. Photovoltaics and pyroelectrics will allow builders to create homes that generate enough electricity to significantly reduce or eliminate drawing power from the grid. I also believe that we will harness naturally occurring static electricity (think lightning) where conditions allow it.

Bots - I am skipping "Bionics" to talk Bots. Whether you are talking about nanobots or the more garden variety (think ASIMO or P3 from Honda), robot will emerge as significant aide to many of the things we do. Nanobots are fascinating in the variety of things that are possible, but most are thought experiments in the sense that building useful THINGS are still quite a ways away.

ID Improvements - I view this as a convenience thing that consumers will adapt as they get comfortable with any real or perceived complications. My dog has a chip in him right now in case he gets lost. You will have a chip in you at some point, because THEY ARE HERE! The benefits are plenty, but people do believe that the risk of "loss of privacy" is too great. I say, "bunk!" I would love to have a tracking chip in my children. LoJack tor Tilam Jr. and his siblings! (I am sure Mrs. Tilam would approve of a tracking chip for me!)

The Singularity - Of course, whether technological singularity will happen in the way Vinge thought it would is open to debate, but few people thought Moore's Law would continue either. My basic disagreement with the concept of singularity is that I am unconvinced that AI can show enough creativity to guide technology development. Understand that practical technology development is a very, very small subset of what technological development is possible. For instance, a computer can develop a automobile for a twelve handed creature. Advanced? Certainly. Practical. Not so much.

As an aside, for this reason, I am unafraid of Asimov's "I, Robot" problem. Self-awareness is required (and assumed) for any of the robotic doomsday predictions. (One of my favorites is Colossus: the Forbin Project.) But self-awareness is not universal. It has been found in humans, apes, dolphins and elephants (and I assume that it will be found in other vertebrates), but I question whether it can be programed.

Okay, I am done.

Looking into my crystal ball...

TILAM's challenge is a difficult one for me, probably for you too oh gentle readers. It is difficult to speculate about specific inventions that have yet to be thought out and made, it's a bit easier to think of things that will be improved significantly. And if you scout out for "new inventions" on the web for ideas, you find millions upon millions of links and such, which is totally useless to me, I don't have time to search for all that nonsense.
So, to take the coward's way out, I will not list 10 specific inventions, but list 10 areas where I think life changing and significant improvements will be made in the next 100 years (hell, probably 50 years, maybe even 25)...

Personal Communication - we are already having streaming video, texting, etc being lumped into a personal device. I'm thinking that the personal mobile phone, internet, email, etc will be combined into a single micro unit contained in, say, a pair of sunglasses. We already see this with mp3 players (Oakley), I expect the gizmo's added to the glasses to expand.

Personal Transportation - hover cars, "in air" highways where we drive these hover cars in vertical lanes not horizontal, no more traffic jams, WOO!.

Long Distance Travel - forget human transporters (disassemble here and assemble there), I don't think that is going to happen. But high speed travel, either via tubes or something else, will be revolutionary. I'm talking inTER-continental and inTRA-continental.

Casual Space Travel - Vacation Destinations above the stratosphere will be offered for a small fee to those beautiful people who can afford them.
Medicinal Cures - Cancer, Leukemia, even the common cold will be come passe, the only thing stopping us from living long enough to annoy the hell outta our kids will be that great equalizer, old age - or getting hit by a bus.

Genetics - we'll be able to "manufacture" solid and healthy gene strands, using this to fix problems that might occur in people while they are in cell form - and to take it even further, transplants (or curing, like the earlier item) will become a matter of manipulating genetic material in order to manufacture or fix unhealthy or broken organs.

Energy - at some point OPEC will go broke, due to our final decision to become completely independent from fossil fuels - and screw those bastards anyway. Solar, Wind, not sure which one, but Energy use will become cheap and easy. Perhaps recycling waste?

Bionics - no, not the $6million dollar man, but prosthetic/artificial limbs (and from one inventor, chips to enhance brain capabilities) will have significant improvements.

ID Improvements - I really don't see this as a "omg big brother is watching you", but personal identification chips/codes/implants of some sort. I see the upside of this, not the downside. Monitoring criminals, checking in at the local airport, voting, anything that requires an ID will be improved. Consumer Purchasing via scanners tied to your personal identification device; linked to the banking system, no more need for credit cards or debit cards or atm cards - BAM, instant ID and cash/goods.

Leisure Activities - virtual reality chambers will present a variety of activities from playing in a rock band in concert to role playing games to sports to, well, probably sex. The personal leisure device will offer anything and everything to the paying customer - we'll never have to leave the house!

Hope for Michael Vick

This is very funny.

So if you are a Congressman or woman, you are 40% LESS popular than a guy who kills dogs for the fun of it!

Hmmmm, Interesting Pattern

Thew, you seem to have a distinctly "modern" flavor to your invention list. The oldest was invented in 1460, the next oldest, the steam engine, in 1689. I am through half the list before I hit the steam engine at #6. This is not a critique as much as an observation.

So, the next List is what are the Top Inventions of the 21st Century. That is, you are writing in the year 2110 (my, you look mahvalous for 145) and looking back at the greatest modern inventions.


The bone I will throw to both of us is that you the technology does not have to exist today, but needs to be technically feasible at a reasonable cost. That is, I would call BS on a Space Elevator not because it is not possible, but the cost would be prohibitive under any reasonable set of circumstances.

UPDATE: There is an estimate that the Space Elevator could cost as little as $40 billion. This is pure, unvarnished fantasy. The Big Dig was thought to cost $5 billion and ended up over $15 billion. That the total distance was (maybe) 7 miles. On earth.

And no Fusion-o-Matic....

Why did they invent a game and call it "golf"?

Cuz by that time, the word "fucked" was already taken! HaHaHa

Tilam comes up with some TRULY insightful points here. I would have never considered the astrolabe/sextant (I would have thought sextant was one step beyond menage a trois, frankly) in my list, which is a great item for Tilam to include. Same with a couple of others, although Metallurgy is a double edged sword (pardon the pun), while gunpowder is a "woowee for fireworks" it's also a "INCOMING Ordnance" argument - pretty sure the Chinese intended the former, everyone else decided to add the latter as a quality use for the compound. So as I run through my own list, I actually found that I had a few granular categories into which I could lump my choices:

Communications

The Telephone
The telephone is an instrument that converts voice and sound signals into electrical impulses for transmission by wire to a different location, where another telephone receives the electrical impulses and turns them back into recognizable sounds.

The Computer
There are many major milestones in the history of computers, starting with 1936, when Konrad Zuse built the first freely programmable computer. Kudos to Al Gore for inventing peer to peer communication via a large network; the internet is for porn!

Television
In 1884, Paul Nipkow sent images over wires using a rotating metal disk technology with 18 lines of resolution. Television then evolved along two paths, mechanical based on Nipkow's rotating disks, and electronic based on the cathode ray tube. American Charles Jenkins and Scotsman John Baird followed the mechanical model while Philo Farnsworth, working independently in San Francisco, and Russian émigré Vladimir Zworkin, working for Westinghouse and later RCA, advanced the electronic model.

The Printing Press
The printing press was the first one of many communication mediums, changing how information was collected, stored, retrieved, criticized, discovered, and promoted. It has been implicated in the Reformation, the Renaissance and the Scientific Revolution. Centerfolds sure would be hard to pull off without it. Mmm, centerfolds...

Transportation

The Automobile
In 1769, the very first self-propelled road vehicle was invented by French mechanic, Nicolas Joseph Cugnot. However, it was a steam-powered model. In 1885, Karl Benz designed and built the world's first practical automobile to be powered by an internal-combustion engine. In 1885, Gottlieb Daimler took the internal combustion engine a step further and patented what is generally recognized as the prototype of the modern gas engine and later built the world's first four-wheeled motor vehicle.

Da Plane, Da Plane
Bicycle manufacturers, the Wright brothers, accomplished the first motorized flight in 1903 while British engineer Frank Whittle filed the first patent for a jet engine in 1930. Parallel tests in Germany made that country the first to fly a jet-powered plane, the Heinkel He 178, in 1939. Thirty years later, the Boeing 747 Jumbo jet made international air travel fast, comfortable and affordable -- just don't tell that to the passengers of the Concorde.

The Steam Engine
Thomas Savery was an English military engineer and inventor who in 1698, patented the first crude steam engine. Thomas Newcomen invented the atmospheric steam engine in 1712. James Watt improved Newcomen's design and invented what is considered the first modern steam engine in 1765. Normally I'd say "big whoop" on this, but the impact to current and future transportation simply cannot be discounted.

Quality of Life

The Laser
Forty years after Einstein drew up the concept of the stimulation of light waves, a doctoral student earned a patent on Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation (LASER) and the resulting beam to cut, heat and measure. Consumers love lasers thanks to CD players and laser printers. Doctors love lasers because they simplify and quicken cosmetic and eye surgery. Scientists love lasers for their precision and power. We love lasers because of faster lines at the beer store.

The Light Bulb
Contrary to popular belief, Thomas Alva Edison didn't "invent" the light bulb, but rather he improved upon a 50-year-old idea. In 1809, Humphry Davy, an English chemist, invented the first electric light. In 1878, Sir Joseph Wilson Swan, an English physicist, was the first person to invent a practical and longer-lasting electic lightbulb (13.5 hours) with a carbon fiber filament. In 1879, Thomas Alva Edison invented a carbon filament that burned for forty hours.

Penicillin
Not truly an "invention" but a discovery, I thought I'd include it by using a little poetic license. Penicillin was discovered by Alexander Fleming in 1928. Andrew Moyer patented the first method of industrial production of penicillin in 1948.


Honorable Mentions
The radio (who can forget "fireside chats" with the president)
Velcro (don't even ask)
The cotton gin (HUGE impact to life)
The distllation process (without this, Tilam could never pay me the victory beer he inevitably owes me after we play golf)
The post-it note (how else would Mrs Thew remind me of my Honey-Do's?)
The microwave (for when I'm in the doghouse and need to re-heat dinner)
Lingerie (WOO for sexi undi's)
The use of electricity (again, not an invention but a harnessing, but still, where would we be without it?)
Indoor Plumbing (and considering that I roomed with Tilam at one point, the bathroom fan)

And in homage to sexist male chauvanistic males all around the world, as I browsed the internet for nominees I found, listed in the top 10 inventions of all time on AskMen.com. The Pill:
This mixture of two hormones that suppress ovulation unleashed a sexual and social revolution. Overnight, women gained effective control over their fertility, smashing constraints on women's sexual freedom. We love the Pill.

Greatest Inventions

Wow. I thought of 20 very fast. Moved several in and out of the list, but it comes down to "what criteria defines greatest invention." So I used the following:

-Originality. Something from nothing. That is, adapting a natural process into a mechanical process is adaption, not invention.

-Impact. Did the invention fundamentally change human affairs? How quickly did it do so?

-Thing Not a System. I discarded "Banking" and "Plumbing" as systems, not things.

These are arguably too restrictive, but, hey, argue with me. Without further ado...

1) Metallurgy (40,000 BC [gold] and 3,000 BC [bronze]). The ability to consistently create bronze (copper and tin) led to the first great age of advancement in human history.

2) Astrolabe (Hipparchus 150 BC). The astrolabe guided seafarers for over a thousand years before the sextant improved on the basic concept. But the ability to navigate accurately without reference to land enabled brave souls to explore beyond the horizon.

3) Gunpowder (China 800 AD). Oh my. The start of technology based arms race. "You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can get with just a kind word." - Al Capone. Upside - fireworks!

4) The Printing Press (Gutenberg 1450). "What gunpowder did for war, the printing press has done for the mind.” - Wendall Phillips. I don't consider this the single greatest invention, but the impact of cheaply distributing the printed word can not be underestimated.

5) Calculus (Newton/Leibnitz 1680). Greek philosopher Zeno saw an arrow fly and wondered: If at any instant in time, an arrow travelling through space is in a fixed position, so how do you explain "movement"? By infinite series. Derivatives and integrals gave me fits in school, but form the basis of all modern engineering and applied science.

6) Steam Engine (Newcomen 1712). I am giving Newcomen credit, though many others can claim credit, because his steam engine was the first widespread practical industrial engine. And it is really the "industrial" part I am focusing on.

7) Cotton Gin (Whitney 1793). I have been torn on what I would call agricultural inventions. You could argue the Plow was a great invention, though I would argue the Combine, which allowed farmers to produce a surplus of grain, had a bigger impact. But the combine owes its basis to the cotton gin, which mechanized the production of cotton fiber. The downside is that the cotton gin (gin, BTW, is short for "engine") was so successful in advancing cotton production that it prolonged slavery.

8) Radio (Tesla 1893). Next time you access WiFi at Starbucks remember Nicola Tesla. Until wireless communication there needed to be a physical connection (cable or sight) between communicating parties. Radio was the first step in drastically shrinking our world.

9) Penicillin (Fleming 1928). This was a coin toss with Vaccines, Anesthesia and Pasteurization. But the impact of Penicillin to basic health has been miraculous.

10) Transistor (1947 Bardeen/Brittian/Shockley). The movement from pure conductors (say copper wire) to semi-conductive material initiated the Electronic Age, the Information Age and all things beyond.

So some of the items that did not make the list, but could have: Alphabet, the Lightbulb, the Battery, the Zipper (don't laugh) and Atomic Bomb.

Kill All the Lawyers

Eric over at Classical Values (quickly becoming a daily read for me) has a really good post on creating wealth vs. redistributing wealth. As an attorney and having practiced in the "real world" I will say that the vast majority of lawyers I knew were good people trying to help clients.

But I am a creator of wealth by nature which is why I found lawyering professionally unsatisfying.

What struck me about the post, though, is that as I look at and back upon my professional career my closest professional friendships have been creators and my worst professional enemies have been thieves...er, redistributors.

Furthermore, it seems to crystallize my political views also. I care less whether a person had an "-R" or "-D" after their name then whether they are out to tax me more and/or squander my money. Ted Stevens is taking our tax dollars and funnelling it to his family...that is thievery. I don't give a shit that he is Republican. This entitlement attitude of Congress is the one area of real bipartisanship and proof we need term limits.

Finally, EXCELLENT challenge. I will post on this later today.

Opinions are like rectums...

I was speaking with a client during the normal course of business, and it came up as a sidebar the sport of golf. The corporate sport, wheeling and dealing on the golf course, etc etc etc.

The question was posed to me about my golf game, and when I responded that I was a lower single digit handicapper, the response was "whoa, you must play good golf all the time". I wish. I have my days, and as a joke, I responded with "well, most of the time - but I could have a breakdown and then it's ugly." I'm sure I have invented new swear words on a truly bad hole, especially if said breakdown causes me to lose a match to Tilam.

But this conversation got me thinking...since I have seen fit to invent new ways of cursing a golf ball, golf course, the greenskeeper, and my caddie, I also wondered aloud today's challenge...

What would you consider the top 10 inventions of all time?

Ouch

Of course, I COULD talk some grammatical smack talk "he was not think" should really probably be "he was not thinkING", but in the end, I f**ked up royally with my history memory.

The pain of Tilam's laughing voicemail will haunt me forever.

Bluto Blutarsky View of WWII

Bluto: "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
Otter: "Germans?"
Boon: "Forget it, he's rolling."

FDR was not thinking at all when the Bomb was dropped...he was dead. Truman decided to drop the Bomb.

Nonetheless, FDR is a very worthy dinner guest for all sorts of reasons.

UPDATE: Doh! "Think" has been corrected...

Good List

Well, we are thinking somewhat alike. My Top 5 are:

Jesus Christ. #1 by a long shot. Fraught with risk, but, as a Christian, talking to the Son of God would be spectacular.

John Adams. Thew's comment on the Founding Fathers is dead on...my choice is Adams. I read David McCollough's book and was hooked. Few people realize that Adams defended the soldiers who shot the protesters at the Boston Massacre.

Socrates. The ultimate conversationalist.

Admiral Lord Nelson. I would love to spend time with him on the HMS Victory during the Battle of Trafalgar. Oddly, of all the military leaders to talk to, Nelson is my top guy.

Jacques deMolay. Who??? The last Grand Master of the Knights Templar. Burned at the stake because he refuse the corrupt King Philip and Pope Clement demand to confess to heresey. Cursed his accusers who both died that same year. But I really want to know where is the Holy Grail.

The last few people to be dropped from the invite list were Cleopatra, Sun Tzu, Shakespeare and Saladin.

Next challenge Thew???

Like missing a 2 footer for birdie...

Hmm, it does seem I screwed up. Augusta was on my original list, not sure where it got deleted when I made the post. Take off the TPC @ Sawgrass and replace it. Thew records a double bogey with this omission.

Clarification: I played Oakmont East. Not THE Oakmont, otherwise known as Oakmont West. Beat Oakmont East into submission, but that's a hollow victory at best.

Onward...

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Wow, what a tough question! Thoughful and insightful, something not normally evident during conversations with Tilam.

FDR - I'd very VERY interested in the process this man went through when deciding to drop the atomic bomb on Japan.

Da Vinci - this man was a creative thinker and artist decades ahead of his time, to be able to chat with him about his thoughts and how they pertain to the world while he was alive would be fascinating to me

Albert Einstein - just to pick his brain about the universe, the theory of relativity, and all the science stuff would be a neat thing

Benjamin Franklin - really any of the Founding Fathers would be an excellent conversation about liberty, revolution, and plans for a new nation (Jefferson, Washington, Madison, Adams, Hamilton, Hancock, and et al)

God - cuz I want answers about Life, the Universe, and Everything

Other notable people who would be an excellent dinner conversation:

King Arthur
Julius Caesar
Winston Churchill
Karl Marx
Cortes
Confucious
Buddha
Atilla the Hun
Ramses II
Christopher Columbus
Charles Darwin

**********

Kudos to the Bravo's for making some excellent MLB trades. Do you think that acquiring Eric Gagne was more about Boston NOT letting the Yankees get him? Nice to see that Kevin McHale still plays for the Celtics - anyone who knows even a smattering about the NBA will look at his trading of Kevin Garnett to Boston for a bunch of shitheads and scrubs as the stupid GM move of the NBA season. I hope whoever blew McHale swallowed too.

Well, Gary Player was right. Alessandro Pissilli was found guilty of using a banned substance. The bad news is that he is facing a 2 year ban from Italian Professional Golf. The good news is that he's already qualified for the Tour de France next year.

Thew out...